Growing up in the Shadows

After reading Quyen’s blog post about how older siblings feel when younger siblings deviate from the regular family ways, I thought it best to offer my own opinion: the opinion of the younger sibling.  While growing up, and still now, I have always heard from my older siblings that “you’re childhood was so much easier than mine”, “you should be grateful that you weren’t in my shoes when you were growing up”, and “God, you’re such a princess. Mom would have never let me get away with that.” Needless to say, according to my older siblings, life is a breeze for me. I mean yes, I did not have to wear the frilly dresses my older sisters did when they were younger. And yes, I did not have to take piano lessons as long as they did. But trust me, although I am the youngest, and my parents are supposedly done with the trial and error phase when it comes to children, that, by no means, has made my life any easier.

Yes, it may be hard to those older siblings to hear this, but life can be hard for the younger sibling too. First, is the comment: “You look so much like your old sisters!” or “You look so much like your mother!” Yes. I know. We have similar genes, so it makes sense, biologically. I know, when people say this, they mean well. But at times I just get the feeling that I’m constantly being compared to my older siblings and parents. This is especially apparent when it comes to the college process. My father is a chemist (so he was obviously a chem major), my mother is an OBGYN (and was a bio major), my oldest sister is a bio-chem major, my other sister is a bio major, and my older brother is a computer science major. Statistically, science is in my genes. (Especially something related to biology). But I honestly haven’t the slightest idea what I want to do with my life, so it kind of bugs me when people just assume that I’m going to go down the science track, (even though I probably will...).

Even when creating a list of colleges to apply to, one of the colleges on my list is the one my sister, Milee, attends right now. So, there is always the looming question: Do I follow my siblings, or do I make my own path. Of course people always say: Choose your own path. Write your own destiny. But that’s honestly easier said than done. There are so many things in this world that I enjoy, and a good deal that I don’t. (Sorry D Berg, I don’t think the chem genes are working on me). Whenever I pose these questions, I am always met with the answer: Just keep going along your own path, and you will find yourself along the way. I understand this answer completely, I just want to find a shortcut and get to a point of revelation and satisfaction. Which is also easier said than done.

I know I went off on a few tangents in this post, but all in all, I just wanted to point out that us younger siblings are bombarded with conflicting advice that one should create their own path but also consider the path that those have set forth before you. So basically, I am just so confused, and probably will be for a long time.

Benji is to Ruth as Reggie is to Lucille

Even after only reading the first few chapters of Sag Harbor, I can already see similarities between it and Housekeeping. This may be because Benji and Reggie are/were as close as Ruth and Lucille. but one big similarity I can see is how both siblings tend to drift apart. In Housekeeping, Lucille tells Ruth that they need to start socializing with the other kids instead of each other. During this time, we can see that Ruth doesn’t want to socialize with other people besides Lucille and Sylvia. So, in the end, Ruth ends up just hanging out with Sylvia instead. Even though Ruth ended up coming of age in the end (or at least has started the process), in the beginning, she would probably have much rather followed Lucille around Fingerbone.

In Sag Harbor, although it seems that Benji and Reggie have a mutual agreement to start separating, I can sense a little discomfort on Benji’s end. Unlike Ruth, Benji does know how to make friends at his school, even if he may be the only black one there. But he always comments on how Reggie is becoming different and more like their friends in Sag Harbor. Because of this, I think Benji may feel a little detachment from his friends in Sag Harbor. He wonders how Reggie learned about shoe care and such, and then notices that his friends in Sag have the same shoes. We also see this in Benji’s taste in music, where he definitely stands out because of his knowledge of different kinds of music.

As time goes on, I think Benji will continue to drift apart from his friends in Sag as he tries to revamp himself over the summer for the approaching school year.

Jason is a Sponge

Throughout this book, I have tried to relate Jason to some of the past characters we have studied. One that usually comes to mind is overly brooding, overly confident Stephen Dedalus, but this is a very faint connection since Jason is more obsessed with the opinions of his peers than Stephen. As it is clearly stated in the title, I have finally found what Jason reminds me of: A Sponge. (And I’m sure one of the characters in one of the books we’ve studied this year has used a sponge some time in their life, so this comparison is totally applicable).

Jason literally soaks up any and every information that is relayed to him. This is how he is able to act in the social situations that are presented to him; he just thinks to how other people have acted, and then tries to do the same. This is apparent when Jason tries to get with the popular kids, he attempts to assimilate into their culture. Whereas, when Jason is at the bottom of the food chain, he thinks to how Dean and other people in this kind of situation have acted, and he acts accordingly. This method works out well for him because he becomes a very hard victim to bully.

It really is quite amazing how keep of a listener Jason is. Although it must be very hard, I think his self editing is paying off, but maybe not in the way Mrs. C. would like it too. But, the cat was let out of the bag, and Jason’s true self was known throughout the school. It’s interesting to see how he acts when approached by new, and sometimes dangerous, situations.

...I just hope he never stops being a sponge!

Madame Crommelynck’s Clever, Creative, Cunning Comments

In class, a question asked was: What were Madame Crommelynck’s most impactful lines when speaking to Jason? In my opinion, one idea she mentions resonates with both Jason and me during their conversations, this being: “True poetry is truth. Truth is not popular, so poetry also is not” (155). This concept applies to how Jason chooses to live his life. First, he is constantly on the watch for when Hangman will block his words, and tarnish his reputation. He lies about his true thoughts because he believe his peers will find out about his stammer if he voices them. He also chooses to post his poems under the pseudonym: Eliot Bolivar. Not only is this name a lie, but it is also an effort to detach Jason from the, sometimes, painful experiences he recreates in his poetry.

This line that Madame Crommelynck says to Jason also connects back to one of their earlier conversations about beauty, and what beauty is. “Beauty is immune to definition. When beauty is present, you know. Winter sunrise in dirty Toronto, one’s new lover in an old cafe, sinister magpies on a roof. But is the beauty of these made? No. Beauty is here, that is all. Beauty is” (148).  Madame C. explains how the question, “What is beauty?” is unanswerable. But after her conversation about the truth with Jason, she then elaborates on her previous statement, saying; “One week before, we agreed ‘What is beauty?’ is a question unanswerable, yes? So today, a greater mystery. If an art is true, if an art is free of falsenesses, it is, a priori, beautiful” (155). Madame C. uses this train of thought to explain to Jason that, only by being true, will he achieve beautiful art. By hiding who he really is behind this Eliot Bolivar, Jason can never create true beauty in his poetry.

This kind of explanation is great for Jason’s development because he has an authoritative figure tell him to stop hiding and embrace who he is.  It will be interesting to see if Jason will follow Madame C.’s advice as the book goes on, even if he can’t have his weekly Saturday meetings with her anymore.

Hangman

While reading Black Swan Green, I find myself trying to decide if Hangman is good or bad for Jason. I know it makes him have to edit his sentences constantly before the words even leave his mouth, and I know it also give him serious public speaking anxieties, but consider the flipside: Jason now has a wide spread vocabulary because he reads through the dictionary to find substitute words to bypass Hangman. He also is able to, for now, securely fit in the middle group of the social hierarchy. If Jason was capable of voicing his mind, he would most likely be considered a nerd and would not be as popular as he is now. (Which still isn’t very popular). I know I can’t even imagine the daily struggles Jason must go through to deal with his speech impediment, I’m just trying to find a bright side to this unfortunate situation.

Brothers and Sisters are as Close as Hands and Feet

Even though we have only read three chapters of Jason’s narration, up to this point, I can already make out a distinct similarity between Jason and Holden Caulfield. This being the strong bond each of the these boys have with their sisters.  Although it may seem that Holden values his sister, Phoebe, more than Jason, and that could be because she is younger than him, but I can also see the way Jason admires his older sister, Julia.  

At this point, Jason has yet to state out front that he truly admires Julia, but we can see the signs. “Life must be pretty brill for Julia. She’s eighteen, she’s leaving Black Swan Green in a few months, she’s got a boyfriend with a sports car, she gets twice as much pocket money as me, and she can make other people do whatever she wants with words. Just words” (36). One interpretation of this could be that Jason is totally jealous of Julia and the way things seem to go her way in life, just by her using cohesive words.  But the admiration is clear when we read about the Lambs coming over for dinner. Uncle Brian presses the topic of why Julia didn’t choose to go to Oxford or Cambridge for college. Even though Julia, and her mother, insist that they both think Edinburgh and Durham are great fits for Julia, Uncle Brian won’t have it, insisting that “only at Oxford can you network with tomorrow’s elite” (52). Even when he is hushed by Aunt Alice, Uncle Brian still won’t stop, until Julia talks back. She calmly says: “I intend to study law in Edinburgh, and all the Brian Lambs of tomorrow will have to do their networking without me” (52). Of which Jason responds that “[he’d’ve] never got away with saying that, ever” (52). Jason internally applauds Julia’s capability to stand up for herself and her life choices to an adult figure.  It seems as though Julia has come of age, and Jason admire and awaits the time when he too will become as confident and mature as she.

Even though Jason may be jealous of the lack of Hangman in Julia’s life, he finds himself in awe when she stands up for him during their time with the Lamb brothers.  When Mrs. Taylor decides to mention that Jason has won a local poetry contest and that he got his mugshot and poem printed in The Malvern Gazetteer.  Once this is mentioned, Alex Lamb takes the opportunity to tease Jason by prodding him to show his poem, asking him to “at least tell us what your poem was about, Jason. The blossoms of spring? Or was is a love poem?” (49). At this point, Jason is totally embarrassed for even the slightest mention of his interest in poetry in front of the Lambs, specifically Hugo. Fortunately for Jason, Julia steps in, remarking that “can’t see you getting much out of it, Alex...Jason’s work lacks the subtlety and maturity of the Scorpions” (49). Not only has Julia stood up for Jason, her little brother, but she has also subtly proved her acceptance of Jason’s interest in poetry, or at least her respect. Jason even remarks that “[he] could have kissed Julia out of sheer gratitude” (49). This is a huge development in Jason’s and Julia’s relationship, and it shows how close they are becoming.

This relationship between Jason and Julia that is gradually forming reminds me of Holden’s and Phoebe’s bond.  Although it may not be as strong as Holden’s and Phoebe’s, they are beginning to truly care for each other as the book progresses and Jason is forced to stand up for himself and face his fears, with a little help from his older sister along the way.

Reflection

As the book progresses, it’s quite sad to see how Ruth and Lucille have grown apart.  In the beginning of the book, Ruth uses “we” a lot, to signify that she and Lucille were inseparable.  They did everything together, and even sometimes thought the same things.  But once Sylvie comes along, everything changes.  Ruth beings to gravitate more towards Sylvie, and Lucille tries to stay in the boundaries of “normalcy”.  

After reading Shaleen’s blog post, and Isabel’s comment, I have come to an interesting realization of which I have no evidence to back up, (So bare with me). In the scene where Lucille asks Sylvie to describe Helen, Sylvie is unable to please Lucille. Although I assume that Sylvie and Helen were close when they were young and living in Fingerbone with Sylvia, the grandmother, they have since grown apart (obviously). Sylvie is unable to describe someone who she barely even knows now, because she can’t understand her and how she is different, she just accepts it. But after Sylvie answers with her simplistic descriptions of Helen, Ruth adds that she could describe Lucille. But, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Ruth is gravitating towards Sylvie, and that because of that, Ruth and Lucille are beginning to separate. Although we may never know for sure, I believe this could be a reflection of how Sylvie and Helen went their separate ways.  Having this in mind leads me to believe that, if Ruth and Lucille continue to grow apart, over time, Ruth will be unable to fully describe Lucille is a helpful way to others.  

This is just a theory and I’m curious to know what you guys think.