Mrs. Dalloway? Mrs. Walsh? or Mrs. Seton?

As we’ve begun reading Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway, there’s been a lot of discussion around the question if Clarissa seems happy or not with her current life situation. We’ve learned that she’s had three “love” interests in the past, and in the end, she chose the “conservative” option of Richard Dalloway. But even as she is married to Richard, she still thinks back to her time with her ex, Peter, and even her teenage “crush”, Sally Seton.

Although we are aware that Clarissa is married to Richard Dalloway, a very wealthy politician, throughout the book, she is always thinking back to her previous relationship with Peter Walsh. She contemplates if she was right to refuse his marriage proposal years ago, stating that “she would still find herself arguing in St. James’s Park, still making out that she had been right — and she had too — not to marry him” (Woolf, 7). For she later explains that in a marriage, “a little independence there must be between people living together day in day out in the same house” (Woolf, 7-8). In her relationship with Peter, they shared everything, which at the time, seemed tiresome to Clarissa. Whereas with Richard, don’t talk very much and are unaware of each other’s whereabouts most of the time. (Clarissa even claims that she doesn’t even bother asking). With this comparison, Clarissa convinces herself, for the apparent millionth time, that Richard was the right choice for her. But this conclusion doesn’t stop her from contemplating how life would have been if she had chosen Peter. (And later, continuously questioning if Richard is still the right choice).

Once Peter visits Clarissa on the day of her party, she becomes even more conflicted by her life choices. “Now I remember how impossible it was ever to make up my mind—and why did I make up my mind—not to marry him?” (Woolf, 41). Talking with Peter in person again proved to be “enchanting” for Clarissa. Even when Peter tells her that has fallen in love with another woman from India, a wave of jealousy comes over Clarissa as she thinks, “he was in love! Not with her. With some younger woman, of course” (Woolf, 45), implying, perhaps, that Peter was over Clarissa because she is too old for him. (Or at least that’s what Clarissa thinks). Then when Clarissa kisses Peter, all hell breaks loose in both of their minds, and it will be interesting to see how things pan out for both of them.

Now we have Sally Seton, Clarissa’s seemingly teenage obsession while at Bourton. Stating that “Sally’s power was amazing, her gift, her personality” (Woolf, 33). Sally had this dangerous appeal that Clarissa longed for. As Lydia stated in class, Sally presents opportunities that the men in her life have narrowed down. In her life with Richard, Clarissa is meant to stay home and plan parties. Although this life seemingly bores her at this moment, it’s the one she chose and, according to Peter, was seemingly destined for. Knowing all this, I am very interested in how Clarissa will end up at the end of the book. Will she have a powerful coming of age moment and realize that Richard is not the right choice for her? Will she run off with Peter to India? Will she try and find Sally Seton and return to that period of risky excitement? Or will she stay as Mrs. Richard Dalloway?

When Drifting Occurs

I know it’s been awhile since any piece of writing has been shared on this blog, so my apologies if there are any awkward pauses or inappropriate drifting in the first few posts. But, I suppose drifting should be acceptable for at least my first post, since we have all (hopefully) finished reading The Mezzanine over the summer.

To tell you the truth, I have honestly no idea if I liked The Mezzanine or not. Yes, the book really had no driving plot, (except for the continually mentioned/ mourning over the broken shoelaces), but it would be unfair to say that a book must have a clear plot line to be considered “good”. Instead of focusing on an adventure to save mankind, I think The Mezzanine takes a different direction in showcasing how one’s mind can drift throughout the day. While at school, in let’s say US History, we are expected to be contemplating how America seems to believe that we are the best nation in the world, and how our actions in the past have portrayed that, for forty-five minutes a day. But one cannot possibly believe that our mind could focus on a single subject for forty-five minutes, (at least for me this is seemingly impossible.) In my case, I tend to stray away by either studying people’s shoes or contemplating what I am going to do once the bell rings in t-45 minutes. It’s not that Mr. Sutton is an boring teacher, (in fact, I quite liked his history class), it’s just that my mind, like Howie’s, is unable to focus on a single subject for a large block of time.

Sometimes, my sidetracking is even related to the class. When Mr. Sutton was talking about 19th and 20th century America, I would picture myself back then. (I believe I have, more than once, effectively concluded that I would be a better president than at least half of the ones in the past.) My point is that we all drift off, and most of the time don’t even realize it, so it’s interesting that Mr. Baker was able to capture that element of our minds, and portray it in a book for all of us to read.

With that being said, dear god the footnotes, Howie. If one were to delete the all the footnotes in the book, (which would be almost half of the book!), the writing may have been a bit more tolerable. I mean this whole book was basically a tangent, but once you saw that “1” in the middle of a sentence, you knew that you were about to dive really deep into Howie’s brain, (which in it of itself is a black hole I can’t even begin to understand). The infamous chapter eight, where more than half of the chapter is a footnote was brutal. But I am certain that not a single stone was left unturned when given a fifteen chapter glimpse into Howie’s mind. I haven’t decided if that’s a good or bad thing, but I definitely believe that Mr. Baker was successfully able to make me question just how far my mind can go when I’m not paying attention, and if I can still be considered sane when drifting occurs.

Growing up in the Shadows

After reading Quyen’s blog post about how older siblings feel when younger siblings deviate from the regular family ways, I thought it best to offer my own opinion: the opinion of the younger sibling.  While growing up, and still now, I have always heard from my older siblings that “you’re childhood was so much easier than mine”, “you should be grateful that you weren’t in my shoes when you were growing up”, and “God, you’re such a princess. Mom would have never let me get away with that.” Needless to say, according to my older siblings, life is a breeze for me. I mean yes, I did not have to wear the frilly dresses my older sisters did when they were younger. And yes, I did not have to take piano lessons as long as they did. But trust me, although I am the youngest, and my parents are supposedly done with the trial and error phase when it comes to children, that, by no means, has made my life any easier.

Yes, it may be hard to those older siblings to hear this, but life can be hard for the younger sibling too. First, is the comment: “You look so much like your old sisters!” or “You look so much like your mother!” Yes. I know. We have similar genes, so it makes sense, biologically. I know, when people say this, they mean well. But at times I just get the feeling that I’m constantly being compared to my older siblings and parents. This is especially apparent when it comes to the college process. My father is a chemist (so he was obviously a chem major), my mother is an OBGYN (and was a bio major), my oldest sister is a bio-chem major, my other sister is a bio major, and my older brother is a computer science major. Statistically, science is in my genes. (Especially something related to biology). But I honestly haven’t the slightest idea what I want to do with my life, so it kind of bugs me when people just assume that I’m going to go down the science track, (even though I probably will...).

Even when creating a list of colleges to apply to, one of the colleges on my list is the one my sister, Milee, attends right now. So, there is always the looming question: Do I follow my siblings, or do I make my own path. Of course people always say: Choose your own path. Write your own destiny. But that’s honestly easier said than done. There are so many things in this world that I enjoy, and a good deal that I don’t. (Sorry D Berg, I don’t think the chem genes are working on me). Whenever I pose these questions, I am always met with the answer: Just keep going along your own path, and you will find yourself along the way. I understand this answer completely, I just want to find a shortcut and get to a point of revelation and satisfaction. Which is also easier said than done.

I know I went off on a few tangents in this post, but all in all, I just wanted to point out that us younger siblings are bombarded with conflicting advice that one should create their own path but also consider the path that those have set forth before you. So basically, I am just so confused, and probably will be for a long time.

Benji is to Ruth as Reggie is to Lucille

Even after only reading the first few chapters of Sag Harbor, I can already see similarities between it and Housekeeping. This may be because Benji and Reggie are/were as close as Ruth and Lucille. but one big similarity I can see is how both siblings tend to drift apart. In Housekeeping, Lucille tells Ruth that they need to start socializing with the other kids instead of each other. During this time, we can see that Ruth doesn’t want to socialize with other people besides Lucille and Sylvia. So, in the end, Ruth ends up just hanging out with Sylvia instead. Even though Ruth ended up coming of age in the end (or at least has started the process), in the beginning, she would probably have much rather followed Lucille around Fingerbone.

In Sag Harbor, although it seems that Benji and Reggie have a mutual agreement to start separating, I can sense a little discomfort on Benji’s end. Unlike Ruth, Benji does know how to make friends at his school, even if he may be the only black one there. But he always comments on how Reggie is becoming different and more like their friends in Sag Harbor. Because of this, I think Benji may feel a little detachment from his friends in Sag Harbor. He wonders how Reggie learned about shoe care and such, and then notices that his friends in Sag have the same shoes. We also see this in Benji’s taste in music, where he definitely stands out because of his knowledge of different kinds of music.

As time goes on, I think Benji will continue to drift apart from his friends in Sag as he tries to revamp himself over the summer for the approaching school year.

Jason is a Sponge

Throughout this book, I have tried to relate Jason to some of the past characters we have studied. One that usually comes to mind is overly brooding, overly confident Stephen Dedalus, but this is a very faint connection since Jason is more obsessed with the opinions of his peers than Stephen. As it is clearly stated in the title, I have finally found what Jason reminds me of: A Sponge. (And I’m sure one of the characters in one of the books we’ve studied this year has used a sponge some time in their life, so this comparison is totally applicable).

Jason literally soaks up any and every information that is relayed to him. This is how he is able to act in the social situations that are presented to him; he just thinks to how other people have acted, and then tries to do the same. This is apparent when Jason tries to get with the popular kids, he attempts to assimilate into their culture. Whereas, when Jason is at the bottom of the food chain, he thinks to how Dean and other people in this kind of situation have acted, and he acts accordingly. This method works out well for him because he becomes a very hard victim to bully.

It really is quite amazing how keep of a listener Jason is. Although it must be very hard, I think his self editing is paying off, but maybe not in the way Mrs. C. would like it too. But, the cat was let out of the bag, and Jason’s true self was known throughout the school. It’s interesting to see how he acts when approached by new, and sometimes dangerous, situations.

...I just hope he never stops being a sponge!

Madame Crommelynck’s Clever, Creative, Cunning Comments

In class, a question asked was: What were Madame Crommelynck’s most impactful lines when speaking to Jason? In my opinion, one idea she mentions resonates with both Jason and me during their conversations, this being: “True poetry is truth. Truth is not popular, so poetry also is not” (155). This concept applies to how Jason chooses to live his life. First, he is constantly on the watch for when Hangman will block his words, and tarnish his reputation. He lies about his true thoughts because he believe his peers will find out about his stammer if he voices them. He also chooses to post his poems under the pseudonym: Eliot Bolivar. Not only is this name a lie, but it is also an effort to detach Jason from the, sometimes, painful experiences he recreates in his poetry.

This line that Madame Crommelynck says to Jason also connects back to one of their earlier conversations about beauty, and what beauty is. “Beauty is immune to definition. When beauty is present, you know. Winter sunrise in dirty Toronto, one’s new lover in an old cafe, sinister magpies on a roof. But is the beauty of these made? No. Beauty is here, that is all. Beauty is” (148).  Madame C. explains how the question, “What is beauty?” is unanswerable. But after her conversation about the truth with Jason, she then elaborates on her previous statement, saying; “One week before, we agreed ‘What is beauty?’ is a question unanswerable, yes? So today, a greater mystery. If an art is true, if an art is free of falsenesses, it is, a priori, beautiful” (155). Madame C. uses this train of thought to explain to Jason that, only by being true, will he achieve beautiful art. By hiding who he really is behind this Eliot Bolivar, Jason can never create true beauty in his poetry.

This kind of explanation is great for Jason’s development because he has an authoritative figure tell him to stop hiding and embrace who he is.  It will be interesting to see if Jason will follow Madame C.’s advice as the book goes on, even if he can’t have his weekly Saturday meetings with her anymore.

Hangman

While reading Black Swan Green, I find myself trying to decide if Hangman is good or bad for Jason. I know it makes him have to edit his sentences constantly before the words even leave his mouth, and I know it also give him serious public speaking anxieties, but consider the flipside: Jason now has a wide spread vocabulary because he reads through the dictionary to find substitute words to bypass Hangman. He also is able to, for now, securely fit in the middle group of the social hierarchy. If Jason was capable of voicing his mind, he would most likely be considered a nerd and would not be as popular as he is now. (Which still isn’t very popular). I know I can’t even imagine the daily struggles Jason must go through to deal with his speech impediment, I’m just trying to find a bright side to this unfortunate situation.