As Things Fall Apart

After finishing our discussion on Lorrie Moore’s Self Help, I found it interesting how Moore chose to wrap up her novel with the story “To Fill”. Now, Riva is a pretty typical narrator that we’ve seen throughout Moore’s stories. Not only is the story in the typical second person narrative, but also, Riva seems to be in the same helpless situation that most narrators have been in throughout the novel. She feels trapped in a hopeless relationship, only this time, it’s more than a relationship, it’s a marriage. This means that she and her (ex) husband have a deeper connection than that of Charlene and her apparent shared boyfriend. But, I guess this kind of bond isn’t strong enough because Riva’s husband is still led to be unfaithful, putting his wife in a very difficult situation. She could break apart of the marriage, which would be very stressful and complicated since they have a child together, or she could stay with the guy, constantly tortured by the reminder of not being good enough for him.

I honestly feel like this is the catalyst for Riva’s mental decline. She feels like she is not good enough for her own husband, but she stays with him, unable to completely admit that anything is wrong with her marriage. She steals money that she doesn’t even need, she buys things that are unnecessary, and that other people frankly don’t want, and she denies her mother’s illness. All of these aspects of her personality sum up to Riva’s deep state of denial. She denies that anything is truly wrong in her life, and so she overeats, over spends, and over gifts in order to prove to her and others around her that she is okay and happy with how her life is going. She buys the most ridiculous things for her mother, like a chocolate Last Supper piece, which her mother ends up (intentionally?) knocking it over, where it breaks upon impact. Assumably, Riva knows that her mother doesn’t need (or want) these gifts, and that her marriage is broken beyond repair, but she denies that fact. She isn’t like her mother or father, because she is normal and fine. Her mother is the crazy one, admitting herself into a hospital when she isn’t really sick (or so she may seem), which she wants to believe that she is sane.

This kind of fact could tie into the title of the novel, Self Help, as we can see how things work out when a person only relies on him/herself for help. In almost every narrator in Moore’s stories, on the outside, they seem fine, but on the inside, they are dying, spiraling into dangerous mental states. In the last story, we see what happens when one is tipped a little too far and falls off the edge. Riva finally snaps and stabs her husband in the chest after she sees him with Julia, the other woman (see what I did there!). Seeing her husband with the woman he’s already cheated with at least once before, along with her own son wearing a University of Kentucky T-shirt, which is where Julia went to graduate school, just sends Riva into a mix of emotions. She breaks and is sent to the same hospital as her mother, showing that if one doesn’t reach out for help from others, they can have a psychotic break like Riva. On that day, she lost her job, husband, and possibly her child. She can’t deny things anymore because everything around her is changing. Things that Riva is pushed back all these years are now surfacing and she can’t handle it all. Thankfully, at the hospital, she is offered help by smelly nuns and is able to get better, hopefully. (Although I’m pretty sure she will never be the same).

It’s interesting how, although Riva seems pretty normal on the outside, one can follow her mental decline through her italicized notes to Phil. She begins stating things like, “I drive the car home and think of you, Phil, faraway and invisible, even my mother speaking of you, as does this sad ache, thoughts of you, you are thoughts, springing up everywhere” (131), “I dreamed of you...how we loved each other” (133), and “come live with me and be my lunch” (140). But then, you can sense her starting her decline with she starts to say things like, “you are the man removing my bobby pins, my hair unfurling” (140), “where did you go?” (143), “why do you haunt me?” (153), “I long for you” (154), and “please die” (162). Through these passages, which are listed in chronological order, we can see how Riva starts out with longing for Phil’s love and company because the love and company of her husband seems almost non-existent. But, as time goes on, Riva becomes obsessed with this idea of being with Phil, to the point when she can’t stop thinking of him, and it seems like he is following her, haunting her, and won’t go away. She asks him to die, symbolizing her break and how she wants to be cut from all the ties that seem to haunt her: her job, her husband, and her ghost lover.

All in all, I think “To Fill” served as a great ending to Moore’s Self Help because it helped symbolizing what could happen when unfortunate things go on for too long. Any one of her other characters could have experienced a similar break in accordance with their situations. One character who I see possibly have a similar episode to Riva (maybe not stabbing but something bad like it) is Ginnie, who has been left alone and may never find someone to keep her company in life. All in all, the mental complexity of all of Moore’s characters are very impressive and allow for the reader to think like the narrator and envision being in one of their binding situations. I can’t imagine experiencing a break similar to Riva, but then again, she didn’t see it coming either, she was just trying to cope while her world was crumbling around her.