To Be Loved

When reading Lorrie Moore’s “How to Talk to Your Mother”, I found myself constantly wanting to go back and reread sections. This is because of the style that Moore choses, which is one of the main standout qualities of the story. The fact that the entire story is told in reverse chronological order messes with my mind a bit because instead of foreshadowing things, it gives us the complete puzzle and then starts to point out the pieces. So, after finishing it, I decided to read through it again in order to look more closely at specific scenes. (I almost wanted to read the story backwards, so I could satisfy my need to have a chronological story. But I refrained). The first sections that jumped out at me were the first two entries, 1982 and 1981. In these, we get a glimpse of Ginnie’s life after her mother’s death. Even though it’s been three to four years since the funeral, we can see how the passing of her mother still affects her daily.

Without her, for years now, murmur at the defrosting refrigerator, “What?” “Huh?” “Shush now,” as it creaks, aches, groans, until the final ice block drops from the coiling of the freezer like something vanquished (85).

With her mother gone, we can see that Ginnie feels incredibly lonely. So lonely that she is now talking to her refrigerator. Similar to the final ice block, Ginnie feels defeated in life. She has been pregnant multiple times, thereby having the opportunity to bring a companion into her life, but she has aborted all of them. And now, every since the death of her mother, she is surrounded by constant reminders of her loneliness. This scene can also relate to Ginnie’s entry in 1974, where her mother calls her complaining that there’s no food in the fridge. Ginnie just brushes her mother’s complaints aside, and “when you get home the refrigerator is mostly empty. ‘Mom, where did you put all the milk and cheese and stuff?’ Your mother stares at your from where she is sitting in front of the TV set. She has tears leaking out of her eyes. ‘There’s no food here, Ginnie’” (88). Right after, Ginnie hears noises coming from the dishwasher and so she checks and finds rats nibbling on the cheese and spilled milk. Although we aren’t sure what happens next, we can assume that Ginnie probably rolled her eyes, possibly yelled at her mother for being so irresponsible, and then cleaned up the mess. Now, we know that the mother is suffering from some sort of dementia and the daughter seems to be a little tired of her having one of her episodes (I assume things like this happened more often as time went on), which is common among caretakers of those suffering from dementia. But now, four years later, as the fridge is creaking and groaning, full of food for just one person to eat, Ginnie is reminded of her mother, and how she is now extremely lonely in her absence. In 1974, her mother felt alone with no food in the fridge, now, even with food in the fridge, Ginnie feels the same kind of loneliness.

Dream, and in your dreams babies with personalities of dachshunds, fat as Macy balloons, float by the treetops (85).

Now, this scene tripped me up a bit. It wasn’t until we talked about it in class that I began to unravel it to try and find the true meaning behind it. But, before I dive in, this scene connects with her 1981 entry.

On public transportation, mothers with soft, soapy, corduroyed seraphs glance at you, their faces dominoes of compassion. Their seraphs are small and quiet or else restlessly counting bus-seat colors...The mothers see you eyeing their children. They smile sympathetically. They believe you envy them. They believe you are childless. They believe they know why. Look quickly away, out the smudge of the window (85).

Reading these two sections in the beginning left me a little puzzled. It wasn’t until I read the whole story that I began to understand Ginnie’s thoughts during this period in her life. Throughout her life, she has had numerous pregnancies and sequential abortions. These mothers think they know Ginnie’s story just by the way she stares at their children. She isn’t staring at them longingly, for they remind her of traumatic experiences in her life. They remind of the scars she will carry for her entire life. These mothers don’t know that Ginnie has dreams/ nightmares with giant babies floating in the sky. These giant baby balloons symbolize the idea that she was once a baby to her mother, and now that she’s grown up, assumably having become or is nearing her mother’s age when Ginnie was born, and so pregnancy and birth are ideas that constantly loom over Ginnie. The children on the bus remind her of her loneliness, they don’t give her hope or inspiration, they tell her how alone she is in life.

These mothers on the other hand are showing a kind of self-satisfied sympathy towards Ginnie. They think she longs for what they have, a child, so they feel the need to sympathize for her. They think they know her but they don’t. The mothers are just feeling bad for someone who doesn’t have what they have, without even taking the time to find out the whole story.

Even though we only get one entry of this, I assume that these sorts of things happen a lot in Ginnie’s life. Ever since her mother died, Ginnie is constantly reminded of the loneliness in her life. Whether it’s her brother and his family, her appliances, or her dreams/ nightmares, she can’t escape the fact that she is alone in this world. With all the traumatic things that have happened to her, she is left vanquished, with no one to lift her up. Her heart craves for something to love or at least to connect with, but it is dead inside. A possible theory for the recurring medical heart advancements in the entries could be that, as time goes on, Ginnie may believe that she needs a new heart to be able to love and be loved in this world. (But, like I said, this is just a theory). In any case, it is sad that so many people judge her without getting to know her. They believe that she wants what they have, tangible things, but all she wants is some company in life. (And I hope, at some point, she gets some too).