Judgemental Fantasies

In the title track of Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies, we are introduced to a character, Mr. Kapasi, who, since we are reading his inner thoughts, seems to be a very judgemental character. Throughout his job as a tour guide, we read how Mr. Kapasi judges the people who ask him to show them around. He uses the term “foreigners” to describe the people who have different customs from himself. “The family looked Indian but dressed as foreigners did, the children in stiff, brightly colored clothing and caps with translucent visors” (44). From their clothes to the way they act around each other, Mr. Kapasi comments on it all. He doesn’t hate Americans, but he does subtly judge them because they act different from him. Even though the Das family may look Indian, they for sure don’t act like it. The one family member that seems to, initially bug him, but later on intrigue and intoxicate him, is Mrs. Das. At first, Mr. Kapasi judges, and somewhat disapproves, of Mrs. Das’ character. She acts in a strange manner as she bickers with her husband on who has to take their own daughter to the bathroom or as she applies her nail polish in the car, refusing to share with that same daughter. He sees her as sort of childish the way she puts herself before her own family, and he can’t seem to understand why. Initially, all he sees is this one-sided, selfish woman who can’t seem to care about anyone except herself.

But, this all changes with one single statement. As Mr. Kapasi explains to Mr. Das about his other part-time job as an interpreter for a doctor. After hearing this, Mrs. Das’ ears perk up as she admits that his job sounds “so romantic” (50). At first, this confuses Mr. Kapasi, for he had never before viewed his job as being “romantic” or even very important. But Mrs. Das sheds a new light on his profession. She describes him as an interpreter and that he is vital for the whole transaction between the doctor and the patient. If it weren’t for Mr. Kapasi’s skills in language, the doctor might not know what’s wrong with the patient and/or the patient might not receive the correct medication. He’s the reason, the essential piece to the puzzle, that makes healthcare so successful in that doctor’s office. Mrs. Das’ words resonate with Mr. Kapasi, both because he never really saw his job as that important, and also because whatever little importance he does see in his job, it is diminished by his own wife. See, the doctor’s office is the place where his son died so his wife doesn’t associate that place with very fond memories. “Mr. Kapasi knew that his wife had little regard for his career as an interpreter. He knew it reminded her of the son she’d lost, and that she resented the other lives he helped...she never asked about the patients who came to the doctor’s office, or said that his job was a big responsibility” (53). Before Mrs. Das came along, Mr Kapasi viewed his job at the doctor’s office as a disgrace. He knows that it reminds his wife of their loss and only brings up bad memories. But, after Mrs. Das’ comment, Mr. Kapasi begins to become intoxicated with her words. He admits that “it flattered Mr. Kapasi that Mrs. Das was so intrigued by his job. Unlike his wife, she had reminded him of its intellectual challenges...When Mr. Kapasi thought once again about how she had said ‘romantic,’ the feeling of intoxication grew” (53). The idea of someone appreciating Mr. Kapasi’s job fills him with excitement and leads him to believe that Mrs. Das isn’t so one dimensional as he thought. She is able to, apparently, truly understand his profession and all of its complexities.

This thought of Mrs. Das being more than he had expected carries on throughout their tour as Mr. Kapasi begins to fantasize about them forming a relationship over the years, talking about the faults in their respective marriages and how they would remember the time they met for years to come. But this image becomes tainted once Mrs. Das admits the real reason she admires Mr. Kapasi’s talents. She admits her faults in her marriage, how she cheated on Mr. Das and how one of her children, Bobby, isn’t related to Mr. Das. Taking this all in, all Mr. Kapasi can really reply is by asking: “Is it really pain you feel, Mrs. Das, or is it guilt?” (66). In his defense, Mrs. Das’ question, “What does this all mean?”, is sort of a loaded question because there is no real right answer to it. It’s a question that basically any answer would upset Mrs. Das. And with this, Mr. Kapasi admits that, “her confession depressed him” (66). He believed that she was more than a one-sided character, that she has more than just one dimension, but no, he was wrong. At the doctor’s office, Mr. Kapasi is presented with patients with which his job is to “interpret people’s maladies, assiduously translating the symptoms of so many swollen bones, countless cramps of bellies and bowels, spots on people’s palms that changed color, shape, or size” (51). Assumably at work, Mr. Kapasi deals with people who have real problems, not these petty situations involving infidelity.

What disappoints Mr. Kapasi the most is that Mrs. Das expects him to solve all of her problems. She wants a quick solution, which was why she was initially intrigued by his job. She expects that he has the remedy, when it reality, Mr. Kapasi’s answer to her question was to lead her to solve her problems by herself. She is more like the lady he met during the beginning of the family’s tour and this disappoints him because along with his address, his fantasy floats away from him because she is not the woman he thought she was.

Selective Greatness

I find it interesting how America is portrayed in the different novels we’ve read. Typically, we read of America as the promised land; the place where people come for an open and opportunistic environment. (Basically) throughout history, the United States has been known to be a welcoming environment for all of those who seek religious and political freedom. The country was, and is continued to be seen as, a kaleidoscope of ethnic and cultural groups. Most immigrants choose to come to America for various reasons, including religious freedom, an escape from poverty, and to make better lives for themselves and their children. America is seen as one of the best places to receive a quality education, housing most of the top universities in the world. Some immigrants also come to the US for the better employment opportunities. Overall, the overarching reason that people come to America is for prosperity. The economic growth has easily surpassed population growth, giving the people who live in the US more potential for prosperity. As immigrants migrate to the US, the economic growth increases as they become invested in the US economy. So, knowing all of this, why do Baldwin, Diaz, and Lahiri all depict America in a darker light?

In Baldwin’s stories, he depicted a man who couldn’t get the respect he deserved as a human being because of the color of his skin. He is constantly being kicked out of apartments, even though he pays the rent (or someone does it for him). In this particular story, “Previous Condition”, Peter is constantly being forced to settle for less in pretty much every aspect of his life. He can’t get the parts he wants to perform, hang out with the people he wants to hang out with, and live in a place he wants to live in. His American “opportunities” are limited because of the color of his skin. Living in America has put Peter in this cage in which he is unable to escape from. He can’t go a day without being judged by the color of his skin. So much for opportunistic freedom, right?

But this isn’t the only Baldwin story that exploits the dark side of America. In “This Morning, This Evening, So Soon”, we see how the narrator’s life changed, for the better, once he LEFT America. He moves to Paris where he doesn’t have to constantly be aware of how he should act around a white person. Typically, while in America, he tried to tow the line between being respectful without losing dignity when speaking to white people. When going through customs, he needed to know how to act so he wouldn’t be searched or beaten. While, in Paris, he can be free. He is able to thrive in his career, have a white wife along with a mixed son, and ultimately doesn’t have to be paranoid, constantly on his toes so he doesn’t say something wrong to a white person. But, knowing how much of a pain it was to live in America, the narrator knows that he must return for his career. He worries because, even if America provides him with opportunity and prosperity, his wife and kid will probably go through a lot of ridicule in the community. At the time, Americans were not accustomed (and all around didn’t accept) a white woman being married to a black man, let alone having a kid with the guy. The wife may be ostracized and the kid may be bullied, even if the narrator is popular. Now, this is just speculation because, since at the end of the story, we don’t know what happened once the narrator returned to America with his family. But, throughout his life in the states, he went through immense psychologically (along with physical) torture, constantly having to play the role of the subservient, yet not too weak, black person living in a white man’s world. And now, he will be bring his family to America, and they will assumably have to endure the same thing. So, even though we can’t be sure, assumably, from his past experiences, we can infer that life in America may not be a pleasant experience for possibly him or his family.

Another author who discusses the erroneousness of the “American Dream” is Junot Diaz, specifically in his story “Negocios”. In this story, Junior’s father travels to America in order to make a life for himself and his family. Even though he comes to the States alone, he does this in order to work hard to be able to support himself and his family once he is able to bring them over. But, even though Ramon is a hardworking man, he finds it hard to prosper in America. He has a language barrier and so he isn’t initially able to find very many jobs because they require him to be fluent in the American English language. But, even with this, Ramon pushes forward and works two jobs, determined to make it. And even though he is working overtime at some of these jobs, he is unable to pay rent on his own. Ramon finds himself thrashing to stay afloat, but ultimately drowning, and so he needs some help supporting himself. He first has roommates, but that doesn’t work out when one of his roommates refuses to pay because he is the only one in the group who has a car. So, Ramon tries to get a wife, one who can help him pay rent until he can save up and bring his family over. A business deal of sorts. But he ends up getting scammed and without a wife. So, finally, he meets Nilda, whom he half marries because he needs her help, financially, but also because he initially enjoys her company (aka he likes her a little). But, in the end, this relationship fall apart as Ramon realizes his initial goal and he saves up to bring his family over to America to live with him. His staying with Nilda, who pays the rent for both of them, helps him become able to save his money and get a place of his own and plane tickets for his family. Ramon couldn’t save up on his own because, even though he worked his ass off in America, managing two jobs at once, he could earn enough to support himself. Better employment opportunities, right?

Finally, we have Jhumpa Lahiri’s Interpreter of Maladies, where we have a story, “When Mr. Pirzada Came to Dine”, that constantly criticizes the American education system. Lilia’s parents and family friend often comment on the fact that Lilia doesn’t seem to learn important facts in school, like the India-Pakistan conflict. Instead, “that year, and every year, it seemed, we began by studying the Revolutionary War...we were given blank maps of the thirteen colonies, and asked to fill in names, dates, capitals. I could do it with my eyes closed” (27). Instead of learning about what’s happened in other countries, Lilia’s history classes seem to always focus on the United States. This gives Lilia a skewed version of history because it leads one to believe that the US is the center of the world (which is some cases, it is). In this sense, the family then feels a growing disconnect to their home country, not only because it is half way around the world, but also because the news and schools don’t provide a lot of information on it. They are forced to listen to the news when it chooses to cover India, making the situation seem less real because it all happening halfway across the world. They feel helpless and probably become conflicted as to why they chose to uproot and move away from their home. This provides an even deeper sense of loss for, not only Lilia, but also her parents. Her parents came to America so their family could have a more prosperous life and so their daughter could have greater opportunities. By doing this, the mother and father uprooted their lives in India and moved to the States, hoping all would turn out alright. Coming to America, the parents are subject to a cultural shock as they realize that even the grocery stores don’t stock the food they have eaten all their lives. They feel a sense of loss for the culture they grew up with, and the fact that, not matter how much they try to pass on to their daughter, she will also be influenced by the American world around her. So, I suppose Lilia is getting a solid education, but a biased one at that.

I think it’s interesting how, when you think of America and how it’s been mostly portrayed throughout the years, it has been seen as a place of prosperity and opportunity. But, through Baldwin’s, Diaz’s, and Lahiri’s writing, we can see that there are dark sides to America and how it treats and provides for the people who choose to move there. Immigrants come to the US with the idea of wanting a new life, one that can provide for themselves, along with their families. They want their children to grow up and receive an education that will in turn allow them to thrive as well. But, we can see that this isn’t always the case. That even the hardest workers can’t make it. In Ramon’s case, I think what helped him the most was the connections he was able to make once he learned English. It was almost impossible for him to find a stable job with his faulty English. But, once he was able to talk with people and form relationships, he was able to climb the social and economic ladder. All in all, it’s obvious that this idea that anyone can live long and prosper (sorry about this reference) in America isn’t entirely true because other factors apparently must come into play, such as the color of one’s skin, one’s native language, or even what one chooses to learn in school. All of these factors can affect if they will thrive in the US. It will be interesting to see if Lahiri will discuss problems with immigrating to America later on in her stories, for we aren’t even halfway done with the collection of stories. But, if one things for sure, these authors have demonstrated that it isn’t easy to thrive in America as people may assume, especially for immigrants.

Puzzle Pieces Coming Together

As we wrap up our discussion on Junot Diaz’s Drown, I find it interesting how Diaz (slash possibly Yunior) is able to confuse our consciouses by painting us a broken up picture. Throughout the novel, we have become immersed in Yunior and his family’s life, following them from when they were together in the Dominican Republic, to when the father left them, to when they were in America. These stories all revolve around the situation of the father heading off to America, leaving his family behind in Santo Domingo until he can bring them over, and then a snippet of their lives in the States. As readers, we’ve been given multiple sides to the situation, having the last piece of the puzzle handed to us in the last story, “Negocios”. This final story is really what creates this shroud of confusing where there was once clarity. Initially, I believed Papi to be a very disgraceful character. He left his family alone to basically fend for themselves in the Dominican Republic while he went off to try and make a life for himself in America, promising that once he had a sturdy foot in the door, he would bring his family over to the States to live with him. In the story, “Aguantando”, we get the side of Mami, who is drowning trying to keep her family afloat while Papi is away overseas. She works long hours at a chocolate factory all year around, having to send her two boys off to their grandparent’s house over the summer because she doesn’t have the time to watch over them. One of the only things that keeps her moving forward is idea, the promise, that her husband will return and bring them to the promise land. That her struggles aren’t in vain, and that she will live a much happier, well provided for life in a couple of years. Yunior, having very little to no memory of his father, remembers thinking that, “this waiting for him was all a sham” (70). Seeing his mother suffer, while assume that his father was making a new life for himself in the States, really shed some bad light on Papi, both for Yunior and for us and readers.

Jump forward a few years, when Papi retrieves the family and brings them to America where they can spend a life together. Everything is okay now, right? No. On the surface, they look like any normal, happy family. But, on the inside, there is a lot of tension surfacing between Mami and Papi. All the family members know that Papi is cheating on Mami. (Assumably Mami knows too, for it isn’t the first time it has happened). It’s no longer a matter of if, but rather, when this family will fall apart. Later on, after reading “How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie”, we learn that the father does leave Mami, Rafa, and Yunior, assumably for this other woman who he’s been seeing on the side. We can also see how this sort of change has affected the family, as Yunior seems to have conflicting personalities of both his mother and father mixed into him, battling inside as he tries to contemplate his masculinity while also trying to treat a girl right. As stated in one of my earlier blog posts, it would be interesting to see which one of his personalities will win over, if any does. (And as stated before, I suppose that question is somewhat answered in Diaz’s novel, This is How You Lose Her).

But, after finishing the final story in Drown, we have been given the final piece to the pizzle. So far, we were given Rafa’s and Mami’s perspectives, all filtered through the eyes and narration of Yunior, but now we have Papi’s view of the situation, again, also filtered through Yunior’s eyes and narration. (This means that we are being given Yunior’s perspective throughout the novel in almost every story). Before reading “Negocios”, my thoughts on Papi weren’t very positive. I believed he was a sleazy, lying man who didn’t appreciate what his wife went through trying to keep his own children alive while he was kicking it in America. But, after reading “Negocios” I find myself sympathising with Papi, not to the point where I agree with all of his actions, but I understand him a little better. While in America, Papi, Ramon, started at the bottom of the food chain. Even with balancing two jobs, he still wasn’t able to pay rent some of the time. Initially, he didn’t have any connections and therefore had to fend for himself in the world. His english wasn’t very good, so he couldn’t communicate with people very well. All in all, his situation was very rough and he had to work his ass off in order to just get a single step up from dirt bottom.

He then tries to find someone. He attempts to make a business deal by paying for a man to find him a woman whom he can marry and then having someone to lean on, assumably financially. When this idea falls through, he meets Nilda. Although I don’t think all of his and Nilda’s relationship was entirely business motivated, in the end, I think that’s how Ramon say it as. He saw it as negocios, just business. He needed someone to help him pay the rent, or in her case, pay the whole damn thing. This allowed him to be able to save up his money, potentially for a ticket to bring his family over and also a place of his own to stay. She also helped him with his english, so he could then make more connections which could later on help him get a better job. Little did she know, even though she was just trying to be a loving wife, she helped him become able to provide for himself and his family later on in life. At the end of their relationship, Ramon realizes that he wants his family with him in America, and so he gradually moves his stuff out of Nilda’s place and into a place of his own. This kind of move leaves me conflicted because, even though he is doing this so he can bring his family to come live with him in America, a goal he has had since the beginning, he is hurting Nilda in the process, a woman who has helped Ramon when he was down and nursed him to his health, literally and figuratively.

So, even with knowing how things will pan out in the end, I still find myself able to understand what Papi did in America, and almost able to accept it. He did what he had to do to get by and bring his family to come live with him. Yes, it doesn’t work out in the end anyways, for he finds a new girl to cheat with, even when Mami is with him in America. But, he works very hard to get his feet on the ground and find a stable job, a task that he found was not easy, especially while he was on his own. Normally, I wouldn’t condone a man cheating on a his wife (and vice versa), but with Yunior as the narrator, I am able to understand how things can lead to one another, and how desperate times call for desperate measures. Yunior’s narrator of this whole situation is a very understanding one in it of itself. He presents all the facts in a somewhat unbiased nature, allowing the narrator to form his/her own opinions. He embraces the fact that you can’t know someone fully until you have the facts from both sides. By knowing both sides of the story, we can see that both Mami and Papi struggled through this situation. Also, personally, I believe that their relationship was doomed before Papi traveled to America. After he cheated the first time, Mami never learned to trust/love him the same way as before. In her mind, he wasn’t the same man who offered her a whole pack of cigarettes years before. He had basically moved on from the marriage long before he found Nilda or his new girl and he was just in it for the money that Mami’s father had. It’s sad situation, but one can understand the actions of both party members. But, with Yunior’s narrator, we get an unbiased, understanding view and are able to see how one thing can led to another in this family, and know why things turned out the way they did. Tying back to the title, Drown, this could be how each character was finally able to get some fresh air at the surface. While together, both Mami and Papi were drowning each other, trying to fix something that was past the stage of broken. After separating, they are both able to get breaths of fresh air. Even if this leaves Mami in a state of poverty in the States where she has to live off of governmental support, she is free and doesn’t have to wait on Papi any more.

No Face

In Diaz’s story “No Face”, we get some insight into the life of Ysrael, whom we met previously in the first story of Diaz’s novel, titled, “Ysrael”. Because of this, we have already been given a brief run through on how Ysrael lives his life. He goes through every day being constantly ridiculed for the disfigurement of his face. Adults call him out in the street, calling him names like “No Face” and making fun of his actions. Kids ambush him and throw stones at him. He is the laughing stock, the butt of every joke, and the target of almost every insult made in the community. After reading “Ysrael”, one can’t help but feel sorry for the kid because there’s nothing he could have done to prevent this kind of ridicule in his life. He was brutally attacked by a pig, an event he still has constant, vivid nightmares over, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He is forced to wear a mask and shield his face from the world.

But, if there is one positive aspect of this tragic story, it’s that Ysrael doesn’t let his situation dampen his mood. In fact, he describes himself as sort of a superhero as he “runs past the water hose and the pasture, and he then he says FLIGHT and jumps up and his shadow knifes over the tops of the trees” (153). In Ysrael’s mind, his life is full of fighting crime as an unbeatable, super strong superhero. He does pull ups in the morning in order to build up his strength for the day and then he takes off, running, picking up coins around town, dodging vomit and piss, and fighting off big bullies who try and test his strength. Even as people around him yell at him and call him “No Face!” (154), he just runs past them, stating that he doesn’t have time for them, for he has a mission: collect enough coins to buy himself a bottle of soda or a johnnycake. Ysrael believes that he embodies this superhero persona, it’s sort of like his alter ego, and even with his disfigured face, he knows that he can put on his mask and become empowered by super strength and courage to face the day. It’s kind of like Batman in a sense because, without the mask, Ysrael is just a regular guy (not rich and famous like Bruce Wayne, but ya’ll get the picture), but when he puts his mask on, he believes that he is hiding his real identity and becomes this strong and powerful hero, a character that gives Ysrael courage to carry on, even if people constantly berate him.

This begs the question if this sort of coping method will work for Ysrael throughout his life. Right now, it’s okay for this little boy to be running around the town, pretending to be a superhero, but as he grows older, it will become a little strange and unconventional. It makes one wonder why this kind of method works for Ysrael. It’s pretty impressive for him to believe he is this superhero figure and is therefore able to tune out all the negativity others bring upon him. I feel like, because he’s been an outsider for basically his entire life, he doesn’t know when to stop. Padre Lou has to teach him to tell people that he isn’t a danger to others because he wants him to be able to communicate and form connections with those on the “inside”. This makes me think about the scene with the girl in the window, where Ysrael and this girl basically converse only with their hands, and the girl asks him if he would like to come inside and watch tv with her, but Ysrael states that would rather stay outside. On one side, Ysrael chooses to stay outside assumably because he knows that he really isn’t allowed inside. Once the cleaning woman notices him, she scolds him away, proving that even if he did come inside, he wouldn’t be welcome. But another part of me believes that, if he were to go inside, he would have to revert to his Ysrael self, a part of him that doesn’t embody as much strength and courage as his superhero alter ego. Ysrael only feels strong with his mask on and in his own heroic world. Bringing him inside to where everyone is just a regular human makes him feel weak and scared. Therefore, even though he knows that it is really hot outside, he tells the girl, while at the same time, trying to convince himself, that he is better off outside.

As a whole, this story made me very conflicted. At one end, I feel bad for Ysrael because it seems like he will never be able to accept his true self until he gets his surgery, and even then he may still try to hide his face from the world. Living life as his true self means stepping down from his superhero platform and not being able to tap into his “super powers” of flight, invincibility, and strength. But, on the other hand, Ysrael seems happy with his life situation. Yea, he gets picked on and beat up on a daily basis, but he’s able to look past that and see himself develop into this superhero character. One that his younger brother can look up to. One that can give him courage, even when times are tough. He’s a quite odd, yet inspiring, character in his unique coping method, but, as Berit mentions, how long this method will do the trick is an unanswerable, yet worrisome, question.

Two Face

So, “How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie” is the fourth story we’ve read in this novel involving Yunior and his family. It’s interesting to see how Yunior has grow up and to see the similarities and differences between him and his family members. As a grown man, we can see a little more confidence in Yunior as he explains to us how the get with a girl, no matter the race. But, through his seemingly cocky outward appearance, we can still recognize his inner timid character, one that we are familiar with from “Fiesta, 1980” and “Ysrael”. He is obviously more confident as he talks about the right moves one should make to score with a girl, but he is still pretty timid and self conscious. After he finishes up with his date, he remembers to “put the government cheese back in its place before your moms kills you” (149). He’s trying to prove that he’s a grown man, but he still doesn’t want to upset his mommy by leaving the cheese in the wrong place. This also goes along with his conflicting personalities. On the outside, Yunior tries to personify this hardcore character in order to look cool, I suppose, in front of his friends. “Give one of your boys a shout and when he says, Are you still waiting on that bitch? Say, Hell yeah” (144). This girls who’s coming over isn’t just a regular “bitch” to Yunior, in fact, he’s scared shitless thinking about the possible ways this date could go wrong.

Throughout this date, and probably his life as well, I feel like Yunior has two sides of his character battling each other. He’s got his father’s and Rafa’s side in which he’s been taught to, as Biggie Smalls would say, fuck bitches and get money. Throughout his childhood, Yunior has watched his older brother, Rafa, mess around with almost every girl in town, both back in the Dominican Republic and in America. All his life, he’s had to watch his player brother and finally, after watching the moves he makes and listening to what other guys tell him, it’s his chance to bring a lady home. It’s almost like he’s following this script titled, “How to score with a girl, no matter the race”. Though it seems like he uses this “script” pretty often, as he envisions one of his friends asking him while he’s with this new girl, “Hey, Yunior, is that your new fuckbuddy?” (146). So, I inferred that Yunior takes a fair amount of girls out on dates, but is never able to get to that final stage at the end of the date. All his friends think he scores every time in the end, and I don’t think he would be one to tell them otherwise. As Yunior states, “it won’t work this way. Be prepared. She will not want to kiss you...She will act like somebody you don’t know” (148). Assumably, a lot of girls go out with him because they think he’s different. Not just nationality wise, but also personality. Yunior strikes me as the sweet, quiet boy. So, when girls say yes to a date, they think he will be different from all the other douchey guys in town. But, since Yunior learns from those types of guys, the girls are disappointed, stating, “You’re the only kind of guy who asks me out, she will say. Your neighbors will start their hyena calls, now that the alcohol is in them. You and the blackboys” (148). Turns out, according to this girl, Yunior is just like the rest of them. Little does she know that he calculates every step and really doesn’t do much thinking of his own when it comes to his dating life. Inside, Yunior’s brain is him giving himself a sort of pep talk throughout the whole date, waiting for him to slip up and things to go south, because that’s apparently what he’s used to.

The only kind of thinking Yunior does do on his own, he keeps to himself. This is where his mother comes into play. See, we can infer that Yunior’s father left the family at some point, leaving Yunior, Rafa, and Mami to fend for themselves in the world. Therefore, Yunior knows a little how to treat a woman because he’s seen what not to do by watching his mother. He knows to treat a woman right, give her the world, and then stick to your guns. Papi leaving was very hard on Mami and I don’t think Yunior would ever want to intentionally inflict that much pain on another woman. It’s this soft part of his personality that he keeps hidden from most because it makes him seem weak.

It’s interesting because, Yunior is not only insecure about his softer personality, but also nationality. When going out to meet the girl’s mother, he chooses to “run a hand through [his] hair like the whiteboys do”, but then mentions that “the only thing that runs easily through your hair is Africa” (145). He tries to hide his race a little, assumably trying to appear more likable to the girl’s mother, but he knows that he can’t mask the Dominican blood that runs through his veins. Even during the date, he admits that he “wonder[s] how she feels about Dominicans” (147), but he doesn’t ask for fear of a negative reaction. He knows that he already lives in a tough neighborhood, and he doesn't’ want to make the girl, or her parents, feel like he will be a danger to this girl. Granted, he doesn’t hide all of his race factors. When at dinner, he chooses to showcase his Spanish a little in order to impress the girl. If the girl is black, he does this to impress her. If the girl is Latino, he does it so she can feel confident and correct him a little. See, as Mr. Mitchell pointed out in class, a lot of girls that go out with him, who aren’t Dominican, go out with him because he’s a taste of something new. He’s different and exotic in a sense. Yunior knows this and plays it to his advantage. But, he also knows the downsides of it all and tries to hide that part of him in order to seem more appealing.

All in all, it’s interesting to see how Yunior feels the need to follow a scripted routine in order to score with a girl and live up to his brother’s, Rafa’s, and father’s sense of masculinity. As we read his thought processes throughout this date, we can see that his actions seem almost robotic, and when he is forced to improvise during dinner, he freezes, stating that, “Dinner will be tense. Your are not good at talking to people you don’t know” (146). Yunior lacks the confidence to act for himself because he doesn’t think he will be accepted by others. He believes that he needs to act like Rafa and his father by degrading women and such in order to succeed in life. But, after seeing what happened to his mother, he has qualms about this kind of behavior, but he is unable to voice his opinion because he is self conscious. He has a mix of his father and mother inside of him and it will be interesting to see if we will have any more stories about this family, or Yunior in particular, to see which side of him will be more prominent in his life. (Although it’s possible to infer from the title of Diaz’s other novel, This is How Your Lose Her, that his father’s side may win over).

Appreciation and Dedication

One aspect of “Edison, New Jersey” that I found interesting was the narrator’s character. Throughout this book, we’ve read of these characters whom seem to have these seemingly low life jobs, and yet, they appreciate the work they do and even take pride in it. The narrator in “Edison, New Jersey” is no different. Even though he is only a pool table maker and deliverer, he appreciates the craft of building a pool table, along with many other aspects of his job. He knows all the hard word and dedication that goes into making a pool table. It’s his craft, his artform, and he’s forced to brush aside a customer’s nonchalant remarks so he can appreciate it for the real beauty it is. From the wooden legs to the felt top, the narrator marvels at it all. He won’t even think twice about sacrificing his job if it means advising a customer to buy a better pool table. This all makes it even more upsetting to know that the narrator, because of the financial situation he is and will assumably always be in, will never own one of these beauties himself.

So, why work at this place anyways? I mean, he’s had his offers. His ex-girlfriend’s father offered him a “real” job, one with utilities, one that could financially support him better than his current job. It just seems weird that the narrator doesn’t even seem tempted by the new job opportunity. Assumably, If he were to take it, he could possibly buy his own pool table, something he’s dreamed about but never believed could become possible. So why does he stay? I mean, it could be argued that the narrator doesn’t wanna leave his dear buddy Wayne. It seems as though Wayne has taken him under his wing so it would be a shame to just ditched him for more money. Wayne has helped the narrator get good at his job, as well as keep it when he’s in trouble. He sort of like the older brother that has the job of keeping the younger brother out of trouble. Kind of like how Rafa tries to teach Yunior the ropes of how to be a man and what to not say about their family situation. (Although, Rafa and Wayne seem to have different motives in their teaching). Wayne is like the narrator’s old mentor and he doesn’t want to leave until he’s learned any and every aspect of the trade.

But, I think it’s more than just Wayne that keeps the narrator at the pool table business. See, at this place, the narrator is in his element. He knows how to make the tables, what kinds of people he will deliver to, how to talk to these kinds of people (and how to take revenge on them), and all in all, how play the game. If he were to switch jobs, he wouldn’t have a clue what to do with himself, and he would have to learn how that specific trade works. Sure, the pool table business doesn’t pay too well, but that doesn’t seem to bother the narrator because he’s able to have a lot more fun than what is expected. He makes his life a series of games, ones that help him get through the day. The first game is the one he plays with the customers. See, these are rich people who are buying his product, so assumably, the narrator would be forced to be nice to them and cater to their needs and requests. But, no. “If the customer has been good and tipped well, we call it even and leave. If the customer has been an ass--maybe they yelled, maybe they let their kids throw golf balls at us--I ask for the bathroom” (123). The narrator sees how the customers act toward them, and then “pays” them back accordingly. If the customer has been an ass, let’s just hope that they blocked off their bathrooms because those will be a wreck once the narrator is done with them.

Now, if I were to hear about someone like this in real life who trash a paying customer’s bathroom if they didn’t received the right tip for their work, I would be really disgusted and uneasy about him and the business as a whole. But, because of how the narrator confides in us, making us seem like one of his best friends, I find myself okay with his actions. I mean, they aren’t very nice, so I don’t know why I am silently cheering him on as he “cram[s] bubble bath drops into [his] pockets and throw[s] fist-sized wads of toilet paper in the toilet. [He] take[s] a dump if [he] can and leave[s] that for them” (123). All together, this sounds pretty sadistic, and yet, as a reader, I’m okay with it. I suppose it’s because I sort of sympathize with the narrator and his situation in life. It kind of like how the narrator sympathizes for the girl at Pruitt’s house. He attempts to save her from this guy because he knows how people like him are treated in this world, and he doesn’t like that she has to go through with this kind of pain. He tries to provide her with an escape route, wanting her to be free from this guy. This is why, when the narrator calls the house and the girl answers, and he is very hurt. He wanted to give this girl a new life, but she has this sort of Stockholm syndrome situation, where she can’t seem to escape this guy’s clutches. Unlike the narrator, she doesn’t have other offers, other escape routes, so she is forced to become dependent on this man, a man whom she so desperately wants to be free from.

Another game that the narrator plays is at the end, when he and Wayne are trying to guess where they will end up delivering to the next day. A lot of people read this as a feeling of depression because it seems like the narrator doesn’t know where he’s going in life, but I didn’t really have the same negative thoughts. I mean, I could see how the narrator could get down at times because of the tough situation he’s in in life, but I more or less read this scene as more uplifting. Right before this, the narrator has just called Pruitt’s house, only to find that the girl answers, implying that she came back to Pruitt, even though all she wanted was to get away. This makes the narrator feel down because he knows what it feels like to feel trapped with no escape route, and all he wanted was to give her one, but it wasn’t enough. So, in order to cheer himself up, he plays this game with Wayne. His work day is over, the sun is going down, and he puts his finger down on “Edison, New Jersey”, knowing that even if they don’t go to Edison, tomorrow is a new day on the job. As the sun rises, so will he.

Now, I know that kind of reading of that scene sounds extremely cheesy, but it kind of makes sense. The narrator’s life is a little cheesy in the way that he stays with his job, knowing he could have a better one, because he loves his craft, his artform. Pool tables are his life, and he wouldn’t want to trade it for anything. He knows that he can make the best of his workday tomorrow and the others to come. It truly is quite inspiring how optimistic he is of his work. It kind of reminds me of Lorrie Moore’s, “How to be a Writer”, in that both narrators are so dedicated to their respective artforms that nothing/ no one can stand in their way.

So, even though on the outside, the narrator comes across as this guy who steals for pleasure and just wants to get with girls whom he finds pretty, since we are presented as best friends or some sort, we can see just how layered his character truly is. How deeply he cares for the art of pool tables and other people, people who suffer, not those who are too well off to care for others. He pities those who feel trapped in their lives, and so when given the chance of luxury over pleasure, he chooses pleasure. (Assuming that the utility job is at least a little more luxurious than his current pool table job). He chooses emotional happiness through little games over material happiness, knowing that others don’t have same choices in life.

Trapped Inside a Bubble

In Diaz’s story “Drown”, it interesting that the narrator stays home with his mother while his friend, Beto, heads off to college. At first, I saw his act of staying home as choice. I mean, his mother seems to be unable to take care of herself when she’s alone, so I assumed that that’s why the narrator stays home, to help her. If he were to leave, his mother would have no one to walk her to the mall, especially since they live in a dangerous neighborhood. She could easily be mugged or the house could be broken into. And she seems worried about this, as she insists that he check to see if the windows are locked every day. “Before we head out she drags us through the apartment to make sure the windows are locked. She can’t reach the latches so she has me test them. With the air conditioner on we never open windows but I go through the routine anyway” (96). Even though the narrator knows the windows are locked, he still goes through with the process in order to make sure that his mother feels safe. At times when his mother feels lonely, she calls his father, a man who lives with another woman in Florida, but claims that he would leave this other woman if the mother would just come live with him in Florida. (Which honestly sounds like some solid bullshit if you ask me). When the narrator catches his mother on the phone with his father, he doesn’t even try to reason with her, he’ll just “walk in on her and hang up the phone” (101). He knows that his father is no good for his mother, for he only calls when he’s in need of money and he just makes false promises. She’s better off without him, and the narrator is there to remind her of that. So, after considering all of this, it seems like the narrator only stays home because he needs to take care of his mother. If he left, she would be helpless. She honestly would probably move to Florida if the narrator left. So, this reason would seem pretty legitimate.

But, I’m not totally sold on this reasoning. I’m sure that the narrator’s mother needs the narrator to stay back and watch over her, but I don’t think that’s the true reason he stays behind while Beto leaves. I think the narrator has confidence issues. He stays home because home is where he’s familiar with and he’s comfortable being in. His home town is like his own comfortable little bubble. Even though he presents himself as a kind of hard character, deep down, he’s scared to try new things. When he was younger and was hanging out with Beto, he would always have Beto figuratively and literally hold his hand when they did things new. “You little shits better come out here real slow, I started to cry. Beto didn’t say a word, his face stretched out and gray, his hand squeezing mind, the bones in our fingers pressing together” (99). When the two boys are getting caught for shoplifting, Beto takes the narrator’s hand and squeezes it. He provides a sense of comfort and companionship, something that the narrator has proved that he needs in life. Not to belittle him, but he needs to have his hand held when doing things. This is also evident when Beto leaves for college and the narrator is left at home with his mother. At home, he takes her to the mall, checks the windows in her house, helps her pay the bills, and all in all, helps her mother live semi-comfortably in life. But, this kind of situation could be flipped. The narrator’s mother is keeping him safe by checking the windows, giving him something to do with his day by taking him to the mall, helping him with the bills in the house, and all in all, helping the narrator live a decent life at home while most of his friends leave. She holds his hand as he stays inside his little bubble, too afraid to pop it and enter the world outside his home town.

This is why, even though the physical relationship between Beto and the narrator was too much for him, the narrator still wants to see Beto. He longs for that sense of comfort that he feels when he’s around him. Although he isn’t quite sure about his sexuality, he knows that Beto was his best friend and that he wants things to go back to the good ole days, the days where he was comfortable with what they were doing, or at least, when they were in unfamiliar territory, Beto was holding his hand the whole time. Because of Beto’s departure, the narrator has latched onto his mother because he knows that she will stay by his side. This could also be why the narrator tries to cut off any connection his mother may have with his father. He may fear that she will run away to Florida, him to fend for himself in the world. In this sort of situation, the narrator would then either have to find a way to live alone in the world, or latch onto someone else.

In any case, it’s quite an interesting situation because, as stated earlier, the narrator seems like this tough, drug dealing guy, but when analyzing his thoughts, one can see just how scared he really is of the world. He is trying to seem hard core to others because he’s self-conscious about what people may think of him. Possibly fortunately for him, his self-consciousness may drive him to leave home when he gets older, as people may start to make fun of him for staying home with his mother. Either way, it’s not clear to see if he will ever reconnect with Beto, but if he does, I’ll bet it will take him even longer to leave home. Right now (at the present time in the book), one of the reasons the narrator chooses to stay home is that Beto is somewhere out there. He tries to avoid Beto, while also trying to secretly see him, assumably because he misses that comfortability he has when he’s with him, so he doesn’t have to face the fact that he could do so much more if he just stepped outside his little bubble he’s been living in all his life.

The Wait

In “Aguantando” we are given the third story following Rafa and Yunior’s life. Interestingly enough, this particular story takes place in between “Ysrael” and “Fiesta, 1980”, we are aware of what has happened before and after this story. Because having read “Fiesta, 1980”, we already know that the father does return to the family and brings them all to America. So, we are placed in this middle chapter where both the characters and readers are waiting for him to return. It’s interesting to see just how each generational character(s) endure the wait until the father returns home. We have Abuelo who “stared down at the back of his hands, at the long white hairs that covered them. He looked embarrassed” (87). Once the father left, Abuelo was then put in charge of taking care of Mami and her children, making sure that they are okay until the father returns. But, over time, he has grown older, and Papi still has yet to return. He is beginning to fail at taking care of his little girl (Mami) and his grandkids. There’s only so much he can do with his traps to put in his share of keeping the family afloat. He is growing older as the days get longer, and since Mami holds on the fact that Papi will, someday, returns for them, and therefore turns down any and every suitor that approaches her, he doesn’t know what she will do when he is gone.

Next, we have Mami. Now, in this story, I found Mami to be a very compelling character. She and her family are in a very tight financial situation. It even comes to the point where she has to send her kids away in order to earn enough money to keep her kids happy and healthy. She holds on the fact that Papi is, indeed, coming for her and the kids. The wait is what keeps her head up and looking forward. She longs for the day of his return, and works hard until that day will come, because she is convinced it will come. This is why she turns down all her different suitors, because she knows that no one them could promise to provide as much as Papi did. With Papi’s gesture of offering her a cigarette, and then the whole pack, he is promising her that he will be a provider. He won’t let her settle with one cigarette, because with him, she can have it all. Now, obviously, things haven’t working out that way. He has (assumably temporarily) abandoned his family to live in America, and hasn’t provided any financial aid, consequently causing his family to be stuck in the mud in the Dominican Republic.

But Mami still clings to the idea of him returning. Family means a lot to her, and she has two kids with this man. So, when Papi claims that he is returning to her (the first time), Mami gets all excited. She is happy that the wait is over, and that she survived it all and brought her family with her, all in one piece. She’s ready to be lifted up and saved by her husband. She organized a party, even purchased a goat to be slaughtered, only to find out that he, in fact, was not coming home, and that she would have to wait even longer for him. This caused Mami to have a breakdown because it made her inspiration in life, what compels her to move forward, illegitimate. After this, she goes back to waiting for him, but it isn’t the same. Yes, she still won’t accept offers from any suitors, but she also isn’t totally clinging on to the idea that Papi is coming back. This kind of thought doesn’t have the same effect it used to because he let her down, making his return claims seem less realistic. She is left to find other inspirations in life because Papi has proved to be an unreliable one.

Finally, we have the third generation, the boys. Rafa and Yunior have a different view of their father, especially Yunior, who doesn’t even remember the guy. All he knows of his Papi is what he looked like in 1965 due to a picture he has. Because of this, when the boys find out that their father is returning, the two have a sort of fairytale vision of his return. In it, he will be taller, because of all that Northamerican food he has been eating, (although, in present time, I suppose that would only making one wider, rather than taller), he will sweep Mami up off her feet by picking her up in a nice, German car and taking her to see a movie at the place where they met. He would be wearing expensive clothes and jewelry and swarms of crowds would come out to see him in his triumphant return. He would then look at Yunior, his little boy whom he has barely known, trace the scars of his body, and then state his name. I mean, if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought the first half of this vision was a modern version of Shrek or something. It’s like Papi is Mami’s knight in shining armor, and he has come to rescue from her tower and they will live happily ever after. Now, this could very well be the way things happen, but, from having read “Fiesta, 1980”, we know that the family’s life after doesn’t follow the fairytale storyline.

It could be said that Yunior invisions these aspects of his father in contrast to his current situation. He believes his father will have material wealth, something that he and his family do not possess. What’s interesting is that he mentions his Papi having a German car, one that he could pick his family up and take them to the land of prosperity. But, we see in “Fiesta, 1980”, that although he does have a Volkswagen (which is a German car), it makes Yunior carsick. He believes that his father will trace the scars on his arms and head, something that his mother did not care about. “She didn’t want to hear nothing about our problems, the scratches we’d put into our kees, who said what” (73). Finally, he believes his father will call him is own, claim him as his son. Although it is evident that Mami loves Yunior very much, because she is tired all the time from working, she doesn’t show it very often. Especially after her breakdown, she finds it hard to find a connection with anyone in her family, because they all represent Papi and his false comings. Although Yunior invision his father to be this knight in shining armor, unfortunately, he will soon realize that he is not the man he thought he would be, and their family dynamic will change drastically following his return.

All in all, it’s interesting to see how all the characters respectively wait for the return of Papi. Waiting seems to be taking a toll on all of them as the children begin to fantasize, the mother breaks down, and Abuelo’s hairs are turning white. It would be interesting to see what actually happened once the father returned, and if it lived up to Rafa’s and Yunior’s expectations. Unfortunately, we know what the aftermath of his return is and so we could infer that his return wasn’t as spectacular as they had hoped. Even if Papi’s comeback was awful, it seems like Mami has based so much of her life alone in the Dominican Republic, waiting for Papi, that once he returns, she would do anything to stay with him. It would be interesting to see how things pan out after “Fiesa, 1980” as we can already see the inner workings of the family and how it is falling apart, even though Mami has worked so hard to keep it together.

is this a love story?

This question was posed at the beginning of Thursday’s class, and it really got me thinking about what this story about Lucero and Aurora relationship really is. Is it a love story? In my answer, I stated yes, but then later explained that it isn’t a conventional love story, but a love story none the less. It was stated in class that the relationship between Lucero and Aurora seem like more of an addiction than love, but I would argue that it is both. See, these two can break up and be separated all they want, but they almost always come crawling back to each other. They crave for the others companionship and attention. Each of them provides a sense of comfort that they can’t seem to live without. Their love is toxic because they have become addicted to it.

Part of this is evident when Aurora gets sent off the juvie and Lucero is able to have a break from her. In fact, without Aurora there, he seems to do very well, proving that he is capable to breaking this toxic bond and living to tell the tale. But, when Aurora gets out and comes back to him, he is sent spiraling back to square one as he states, “you know how it is when you get back with somebody you’ve loved. It felt better than it ever was, better than it ever could be again” (64). Lucero is like an addict who attempted to be clean, but breaks, and now feels temporarily better than ever, finally being able to be with the person he loves and hates so dearly. I mean, it’s clear that he knows that she isn’t good for him. Both his friend, Cut, and his conscience tell him that he needs to leave her, but his body won’t let him. He feels attached to her, telling himself that he could leave whenever he wants to, but deep down, I don’t think he can. He claims that he has “the iron will” and could quit whenever he feels like it. But, Cut sees through his bluff and states that, “people like her got addictive personalities. You don’t want to be catching that” (63). Cut can see that Lucero is just following this girl down a rabbit hole that, as time goes on, he may not be able to dig himself out of it.

And Cut isn’t the only one who disapproves of this relationship. Lucero himself knows that it’s toxic and that he needs get out and breath some fresh air before he totally plunges under. “If I had half a brain I would have done what Cut told me to do. Dump her sorry ass” (64). Lucero knows that this relationship is not good for both of them. The pain that they inflict on each other leaves scars, both internal and external. Lucero even states that he’s “amazed at how nasty [he] feel[s], how [he] want[s] to put [his] fist in her face” (55). The sex and beating makes the love between these two incredibly dangerous for both parties. Aurora will leave bruised by Lucero’s punches, while Lucero will leave with scratch marks down his arms by Aurora’s nails. We know that Lucero disapproves of this kind of relationship, and assumably Aurora does too at times, but they can’t get away from each other, they are each other’s drug, kryptonite, and source of happiness in life. (Although, arguably, Lucero also finds happiness in drug dealing, just not the same kind he feels with Aurora).

Another unfortunate aspect of this relationship is that Lucero clings on to the fantasy of being clean from this love addiction. “I know people who quite just like that, who wake up one day with bad breath and say, No more. I’ve had enough” (61). Lucero knows it’s possible for him to leave Aurora and focus on his work and find a more stable relationship, but a part of him doesn’t want to spend his life without Aurora. He’s addicted to the feeling of being with her and I don’t think this addiction will ever completely leave him. As Mr. Mitchell stated, this kind of love involves two people trying really hard against insane odds. They are trying to both make things work before they break things and this relationship gets too out of control (because things are already relatively out of their hands at this point).

Just Scratching the Surface

Looking back, it’s interesting to ponder why Diaz chose to title his second story “Fiesta, 1980”, when the party in the story is obviously filled with tension and is unlike a typical celebratory environment. The narrator, Yunior, isn’t even allowed to eat at the party because his father worries that he will vomit on the car ride back. (I suppose Papi doesn’t know that, because Yunior will inevitably get sick on the way back. His little boy will end up vomiting stomach acid instead of food if he doesn’t eat anything. It’s sort of a “pick your poison” type of situation). Yunior is instead forced to sit down in front of the TV and watch the other kids eat. There he is questioned by other kids why his father is acting so mean towards him, to which his response is, “he’s a dick” (38). Rafa then shakes his head and tells Yunior that he shouldn’t say such things in front of others, assumably because it would attract unwanted attention towards their family. The situation is similar with the affair Papi is having. Both boys know about it but no one says a thing because you don’t just openly talk about things like that. Those are family matters and, in that case, meant to be kept between Papi and his boys, which means not even the mother is not meant to know about it (obviously).

But, I suppose women talk and the stunt Papi pulled got some heads turning, specifically Tia, who pulls Yunior aside to ask if everything was okay. Since the idea of keeping one’s business to themselves has become ingrained in Yunior’s brain, when Tia asks about the family situation, Yunior just shrugs it off. In fact, he tries to play it so she won’t be suspicious. Obviously, as readers, we know that things are not okay at Yunior’s house. The father is being unfaithful, the mother is unable to stand up to the father, even she most likely knows that something is up, his brother isn’t his proud self anymore as his masculinity is shushed by his father’s presence, and Yunior can’t seem to keep his damn food in his mouth once he steps in a car. Like I said, things are not okay in this household. But he can’t say anything because it would compromise his masculinity. He needs to take these things like a man, and that means bottling up these things inside.

It seems as though Diaz was being a little sarcastic when he titled this story, “Fiesta, 1980”, because this party doesn’t particularly scream “fiesta” when I read it. I mean, on the outside, this seems like a normal party; people are dancing, eating, and ultimately having a great time with great company. But, when one looks closer, they can see that there isn’t many things about this get together that scream “party”. Papi and Mami will barely dance with each other, Yunior vomits just before he enters and isn’t allowed to eat food like the rest of the kids at the party, and everyone is beginning to suspect that something is wrong in Yunior’s family, particularly with Papi. For Yunior, this sure isn’t a fun party, it’s awful. And, to make things worse, he ends up vomiting on the car ride back from the party which was obviously just the cherry on top of this unfortunate evening. So, all in all, I think it’s interesting how Diaz portrays what the surface layer of this get together is with the title, and then dives deep into the tensions that are present at this party scene. It correlates with how, on the surface, Yunior (and Rafa) are forced to act like everything is fine in their family and that they are all smiles, but deep down things are not okay. It’s not until you begin to scratch off the surface that you uncover the truth behind the tension of this family. Going forward, if there are future stories about this family, it will be interesting to see how things pan out in the future. Whether or not Papi and Mami stay together (and if not, what will happen to Rafa and Yunior) is an interesting question that hope will be answered later on in this collection of short stories.

Influence

In Junot Diaz’s Drown, it’s interesting to contrast the two stories, “Ysrael” and “Fiesta, 1980”, in how the men in this family interact. In “Ysrael”, we are mainly observing Rafa and Yunior and how the two brothers interact. The story begins with the two hanging out with their tios during the summer because their mother works long hours and is unable to care for them while they are out of school. When living in the city with their mother, Yunior notes that Rafa tends to ignore him, acting like he doesn’t exist. “Back home in the Capital, Rafa had his own friends...Back in the Capital he rarely said anything to me except Shut up, pendejo”. While living in the city, all Rafa and Yunior do is fight and then ignore each other, they are both in their own worlds, even though Yunior seems to implicate that he would like to hang out with Rafa back in the Capital, (Santo Domingo), more often. Rafa has his own friends in the city and doesn’t have time to look after his baby brother. But, while in the campo, Yunior states that “it wasn’t like that. In the campo we were friends” (5). Yunior values their times in the campo because, even though Rafa exclaims that he is extremely bored, he and his brother are able to hang out and do stuff together. His brother is able to show him the ropes of how to be a man. Since their father lives in America, Yunior is only able to look up to his older brother for guidance in masculinity, who only hangs out with him when his friends aren’t around and when he has nothing else to do.

So, how does Rafa teach him how to be a man? Well, it’s apparent that Rafa thinks he’s hot shit 24/7 while living in the Dominican Republic. (Most likely in Santo Domingo too). Unlike Yunior, Rafa remembers their father because he was six years old when he left. Because Yunior was only three, he doesn’t have a clear picture of what his father was like. So, to make up for that, Rafa takes Yunior under his wing during the summer in order to fill that influential fatherly figure in his life. When they pull off their bus scam, Rafa see’s Yunior crying and says, “You...are a pussy...What the hell’s the matter with you?...You have to get tougher. Crying all the time. Do you think our papi’s crying? Do you think that’s what he’s been doing for the last six years?” (13-14). Rafa berates Yunior for crying at all. He implies that, when you are a real man, you don’t cry. He even pulls their father into the picture, knowing that Yunior doesn’t have a very clear idea of what their father was actually like, implying that their papi is a real man and he doesn’t cry, so neither should he. Now, assumably, Rafa is unaware of what has really made Yunior cry. And even though being molested on the bus gives Yunior a legitimate to cry, he choose to not tell Rafa. Yunior has learned that being a man means you must take things and not complain. You keep things like these to yourself. If you go and tell other people that makes you less masculine. You must suck it up and deal with it by yourself.

It almost seems as if Rafa repeats the phrase, “You think our papi’s crying?” to himself constantly. I get the feeling that he is not only trying to teach his younger brother how to be a man, but he’s also trying to prove to Yunior that he himself is a real man. This is one of the reasons I believe Rafa wanted to visit Ysrael and see what’s truly under that mask. He not only prompts his younger brother to beat Ysrael up with him, but he also rips off his mask, revealing the disfigured face behind it. See, around the campo, Ysrael is seen as a myth, a legend. To show that he is the top dog, Rafa decides to unmask the legend exposing his insecurities and then leaving him to sulk. By doing this, Rafa is able to hide his own insecurities about living up to the man his father is. He feels the need to prove to the world just how masculine he is so he is not a disgrace to his father’s name.

But, in “Fiesta, 1980”, the family dynamic changes as the father enters the scene. Once the family is all settled in in America, we can see how Rafa sort of steps down from the fatherly position, and the father assumes that role instead. But, even though it is a shift in position, there are a lot of similarities between Rafa and his father, especially in the ways they treat Yunior. In order to try and help with Yunior’s car sickness, his Papi took him on one-on-one car trips. Yunior explains that, “these were the only times me and Papi did anything together. When we were alone he treated me much better, like maybe I was his son or something” (35). Similar to Rafa, Papi will only acknowledge Yunior and be nice to him when other people aren’t around. When they are alone together, the two can do things together, but when they are apart, Yunior is just his disgraceful, vomiting son.

We also can see that the lessons Rafa has been teaching Yunior might be coming in handy when it comes to interacting with his father. Papi threatens Yunior to not eat, and he doesn’t even have to verbally threaten him when it comes to telling people about the affair. Papi has this control over his sons so they know not to speak to anyone about family business. What happens inside the family, stays inside the family. It’s quite interesting how the lessons Rafa taught Yunior in the first story carry over to the second story. Even though Rafa seems less confident in his masculinity, he definitely knows how to get on Papi’s good side because he’s learned the ropes. But, Yunior seems like a different person from his brother and father. Already we can see him having qualms with what his father and brother do, or at least he isn’t as confident as his brother or father. (Rafa was a very confident twelve-year-old, but Yunior is still afraid to talk to girls at the same age). It would be interesting to see how Yunior will grow up and what morals will stick with him and how he will develop differently as an individual.

As Things Fall Apart

After finishing our discussion on Lorrie Moore’s Self Help, I found it interesting how Moore chose to wrap up her novel with the story “To Fill”. Now, Riva is a pretty typical narrator that we’ve seen throughout Moore’s stories. Not only is the story in the typical second person narrative, but also, Riva seems to be in the same helpless situation that most narrators have been in throughout the novel. She feels trapped in a hopeless relationship, only this time, it’s more than a relationship, it’s a marriage. This means that she and her (ex) husband have a deeper connection than that of Charlene and her apparent shared boyfriend. But, I guess this kind of bond isn’t strong enough because Riva’s husband is still led to be unfaithful, putting his wife in a very difficult situation. She could break apart of the marriage, which would be very stressful and complicated since they have a child together, or she could stay with the guy, constantly tortured by the reminder of not being good enough for him.

I honestly feel like this is the catalyst for Riva’s mental decline. She feels like she is not good enough for her own husband, but she stays with him, unable to completely admit that anything is wrong with her marriage. She steals money that she doesn’t even need, she buys things that are unnecessary, and that other people frankly don’t want, and she denies her mother’s illness. All of these aspects of her personality sum up to Riva’s deep state of denial. She denies that anything is truly wrong in her life, and so she overeats, over spends, and over gifts in order to prove to her and others around her that she is okay and happy with how her life is going. She buys the most ridiculous things for her mother, like a chocolate Last Supper piece, which her mother ends up (intentionally?) knocking it over, where it breaks upon impact. Assumably, Riva knows that her mother doesn’t need (or want) these gifts, and that her marriage is broken beyond repair, but she denies that fact. She isn’t like her mother or father, because she is normal and fine. Her mother is the crazy one, admitting herself into a hospital when she isn’t really sick (or so she may seem), which she wants to believe that she is sane.

This kind of fact could tie into the title of the novel, Self Help, as we can see how things work out when a person only relies on him/herself for help. In almost every narrator in Moore’s stories, on the outside, they seem fine, but on the inside, they are dying, spiraling into dangerous mental states. In the last story, we see what happens when one is tipped a little too far and falls off the edge. Riva finally snaps and stabs her husband in the chest after she sees him with Julia, the other woman (see what I did there!). Seeing her husband with the woman he’s already cheated with at least once before, along with her own son wearing a University of Kentucky T-shirt, which is where Julia went to graduate school, just sends Riva into a mix of emotions. She breaks and is sent to the same hospital as her mother, showing that if one doesn’t reach out for help from others, they can have a psychotic break like Riva. On that day, she lost her job, husband, and possibly her child. She can’t deny things anymore because everything around her is changing. Things that Riva is pushed back all these years are now surfacing and she can’t handle it all. Thankfully, at the hospital, she is offered help by smelly nuns and is able to get better, hopefully. (Although I’m pretty sure she will never be the same).

It’s interesting how, although Riva seems pretty normal on the outside, one can follow her mental decline through her italicized notes to Phil. She begins stating things like, “I drive the car home and think of you, Phil, faraway and invisible, even my mother speaking of you, as does this sad ache, thoughts of you, you are thoughts, springing up everywhere” (131), “I dreamed of you...how we loved each other” (133), and “come live with me and be my lunch” (140). But then, you can sense her starting her decline with she starts to say things like, “you are the man removing my bobby pins, my hair unfurling” (140), “where did you go?” (143), “why do you haunt me?” (153), “I long for you” (154), and “please die” (162). Through these passages, which are listed in chronological order, we can see how Riva starts out with longing for Phil’s love and company because the love and company of her husband seems almost non-existent. But, as time goes on, Riva becomes obsessed with this idea of being with Phil, to the point when she can’t stop thinking of him, and it seems like he is following her, haunting her, and won’t go away. She asks him to die, symbolizing her break and how she wants to be cut from all the ties that seem to haunt her: her job, her husband, and her ghost lover.

All in all, I think “To Fill” served as a great ending to Moore’s Self Help because it helped symbolizing what could happen when unfortunate things go on for too long. Any one of her other characters could have experienced a similar break in accordance with their situations. One character who I see possibly have a similar episode to Riva (maybe not stabbing but something bad like it) is Ginnie, who has been left alone and may never find someone to keep her company in life. All in all, the mental complexity of all of Moore’s characters are very impressive and allow for the reader to think like the narrator and envision being in one of their binding situations. I can’t imagine experiencing a break similar to Riva, but then again, she didn’t see it coming either, she was just trying to cope while her world was crumbling around her.