Blurred Vision

In the stories “The Man I Killed” and “Ambush”, we are told a very important story that gives us insight into how the war may have affected Tim’s, the author’s, life. The story is even foreshadowed earlier on in the book in the story “Spin” as Tim recalls remembering certain details from his time in the war, such as “A red clay trail outside the village of My Khe. / A hand grenade. / A slim, dead, dainty young man of about twenty. / Kiowa saying, ‘No choice, Tim. What else could you do?’ / Kiowa saying, ‘Right?’ / Kiowa saying, ‘Talk to me.’” (36). Initially, this memory didn’t make sense on its own, but after reading “The Man I Killed” and “Ambush”, it’s clear to see it’s significance.

As Tim stands, motionless, in front of the man he has just killed, he contemplates what the deceased man’s life was and could have become. He thinks about how the man could have been, and, according to Tim, was innocent and was just forced to enter the war. The man wasn’t war material, but he didn’t have a choice. Unlike Tim, who did have a choice. Who ultimately chose to kill this man, unaware if he was a true enemy or not. As Tim tells it, it was a thoughtless action; he was just moving through the motions of his training, not thinking about the consequences of his actions. Without even thinking, he just threw the grenade at the man and ended his life. It’s similar to what we read about in “Fire and Forget”, where soldiers are trained to not focus on the target. In “Fire and Forget”, the man shoots his dog in the most painless way he has been trained to do. Afterwards, he is unable to remember what to do with the body because that wasn’t part of his training. A soldier isn’t trained to deal with the aftermath, they are just told to move on because that’s war is about, firing and forgetting.

But, like the man who shot his dog, Tim can’t just forget. The aftermath of his killing hits him hard as he stands there, examining the mutilated face of the dead man. In the end, by focusing on the target instead of the surroundings, Tim isn’t able to disregard the man he has just killed as just an enemy soldier. He sees past his nationality and just looks at the human side of things. Even as Kiowa tries to comfort Tim by saying that the man would have been killed anyways and that there was nothing else he could have done, Tim just can’t accept that. He ended a man’s life; a man who was scared; a man who wasn’t meant for the ugliness of war. In a sense, this man reminds Tim about how he too isn’t cut out for the brutality of war either. How Tim wanted to avoid being drafted by running off the Canada. How Tim is a coward for wanted to seem brave. How the same thing could happen to him at any point in time in his deployment.

Tim O’Brien’s book presents a very interesting side of war. In Tim’s mind, war isn’t meant to be glorified, for as one carries on, they lose their humanity. War breaks a person down, dehumanizes them, until they wake up years later and it’s too late to turn back time. Soldiers are trained to blur their vision and focus on a bigger and seemingly brighter picture: that they are fighting a war against enemies. Anyone who isn’t one of them, is against them. Things are only meant to be perceived as black and white. Many soldiers don’t realize the true picture until they get home. Even to this day, Tim O’Brien remembers this story of a man he thoughtlessly killed during the war. Colors didn’t enter Tim’s vision until it was too late. Whether killing the man was the right decision or not, I don’t think Tim O’Brien even knows the answer to that question.