Picking Sides at a Family Dinner is Never a Good Idea

In all my life as a semi-avid reader, I have almost always felt the need to pick sides with either a character or an argument. Usually I find it pretty easy to go with my gut, but the Dead family has proved this to be difficult, seeing as they have run my brain around in circles while I’m still trying to make sense of the situation at hand. This paired with Toni Morrison’s way of mentioning details, and then waiting to fully explain them later on, completely clouds my conscience as I attempt to lift this dense fog.

A pivotal scene that proves to be the center of my confusion is the Dead family dinner. (God, that just sounds weird even to type). From an outside perspective, we just see a wife telling a story that aggravates her husband so much that he chooses to hit her. After witnessing this, the grown up son decides to stand up for his powerless mother by striking his father, asserting his dominance as the new head of the house. In this instance, I would definitely side with the son who is finally able to speak up against his father’s tyranny and provide a sense of safety to the household...But, oh noooo is that not the case. We are also given an inside perspective and can see the real workings behind this family’s fueled emotions.

First, we have Macon Dead II. We are aware that he is a very dominant figure in the Dead household, seemingly having his eyes set on money and reputation. He even makes his family take those ostentatious Sunday drives in order to parade he and his family throughout the streets, showing off not only his family but the wealth he has required in his career. But another unsettling aspect of Macon is the way he treats his family, specifically his wife. We are told that he physically abuses Ruth and are even given a snapshot of his actions at the Dead family dinner. He strikes Ruth after she says “I certainly am my daddy’s daughter” (67), adding a smile at the end for good measure. After reading this, I found myself really despising Macon for his uncalled for, ruthless behavior. But, once Milkman responds by hitting his father, Macon goes to talk to Milkman and gives his the real reasons behind his actions.

Macon’s explanation about his wife’s weird affection towards her father, along with a scene we are given earlier where Ruth’s father explains the weirdness in his still kissing her goodnight even if she’s too old for it, help bring Macon’s actions into perspective. Although it is uncalled for for him to physically abuse his wife, I can see why he does it. Right before the scene, we are given information on how Ruth provokes Macon until he feels powerless and must turn to violence against her. She psychologically abuses him until he can only combat with physical abuse towards her. A theory to explain this odd behavior between this man and wife all lies in the children. As Macon has stated, he is happy that Milkman has been working with him, strengthening their bond as father and son. “Macon was delighted. His son belonged to him now and not to Ruth” (63). There seems to be an intense competition between Ruth and Macon over their children. Who can be the one to win them over? Well, it seems as though First Corinthians and Lena called Magdalene have already chosen sides after observing their parents’ unusual, abusive habits. “Lena thought Macon’s rages unaccountable. But Corinthians began to see a plan. To see how her mother had learned to bring her husband to a point, not of power, but of helplessness” (64). It’s now all down to Milkman. Milkman has chosen a stance of seemingly indifference, not really committing to a side. Even when he attacks his father, he states later that his actions were not out of love for his mother, but of simple decency; he just felt the need to help a frail, helpless human being, being his mother didn’t matter in the equation.

So, although my gut tells me to side with Ruth because of how she is constantly being kicked when she is down, I can’t help myself but understand Macon more because of how desperately he wants to connect with his son, the only person in his family he seems to really care about. (He seems indifferent towards his daughters. Probably because they resemble Ruth and possibly Dr. Foster). He is also the only person who has been subjected to Ruth’s hidden psychological torture. He struggles and feels the need to lash out at her, making him seem ruthless and tyrannical to those unaware of the real circumstances. But, then there’s Ruth, who has been physically beaten by her own husband multiple times and is unable to spend time alone with her own son because of his untrustworthy and misunderstanding nature. All in all, no good can come of this marriage. Both parties have obviously lost interest in each other and have turned to breaking each other down instead of finding an effective solution. By constantly fighting, their actions are tearing the Dead family apart. It will be interesting to see how the family relations turn out in the years (chapters) to come as the children grow older and begin to see things clearer.